On saying no

My sisters constantly tell me, to say yes more often. Well, technically they complain that I always say no, but that is pretty much the same, right? Anyway, I have to admit (and if you know me a little bit, then you know that this is hard), they are right. Often times I say no, just because the thought of figuring out, how that fits into my schedule seems already too stressful.

I don’t like stress, I have been taught to avoid it. We all have. Society, doctors and our mothers have always told us that stress is horrible, will kill us and should be avoided at all cost, just like… bungee jumping. The problem, however, is that nobody actually tells you, how to do it. So one avoids everything that can be avoided, just to have less stress, but that is stressful as well, because you have to find a good excuse why you are not going to someones book event, concert or… bungee jumping.

In my case this goes even a step further: Saying no has become my default answer to anything. Even when I invite myself to do something. Like go outside, grocery shopping or meet friends, there will be a small part of me, that says: “Why? Can we just stay home and watch a show? Look there is your bed and Netflix, a blanket and tea? What else do you need?” Oh, blissful nothingness of missed opportunities, how comfortable did I get with you.

But, does that make my life fulfilled and fun? Well, I am very much comfortable and not miserable. On the other hand, I was just home, and people were in awe of the brilliant opportunity I have, living in Ireland, being in a beautiful country that has a lot to give. That made me rethink my life. (Well a little bit… I mean I am still sitting on my bed.)

I ordered the audiobook “Year of Yes” by Shonda Rhimes to give me a bit of an inspiration. She has done it, so I thought she could potentially give me some tips on how to do it, too. I admire her for her work, and the energy she put into achieving what she wants. So listening to her explaining, what she has done, to be her best self was quite interesting.

Shonda had the rule, to say yes to everything that scared her. Sadly, I don’t get the opportunity just yet, to be a guest on Jimmy Kimmel live. (A girl can dream!) So the only rule that was applicable to me would be to leave the house and do something adventurers, new or alone once a day. I was hoping this will change a bit of my home bod, making me more spontaneous and feel more fulfilled.

Since the beginning of the year, I have been trying, sometimes harder than other days to get out of bed, to get moving, to leave the house. I have been struggling and failed some days, however, over time it has become easier. The voice is getting smaller and quieter. Do I feel more spontaneous and adventurous? Not yet. But, when my sister asked, if she could visit me around her birthday, my first reaction wasn’t an instant no either. So, I guess, baby steps.


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